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Hi, I'm Mandie! Welcome to my Blog Diary

The thoughts of a girl trapped in the wrong body's closet…

Coping Mechanisms I’ve Used Throughout My Life

by | Jan 23, 2022 | The Past | 0 comments

An image of a woman in the dark, used as representation of someone hiding before coming out as transgender.

Coping with my secret in plain sight.

Recently I was listening to a podcast called Girlish hosted by Gage Adkins and Olivia Noel, two amazing trans women themselves. In one of their episodes they are discussing their coping mechanisms growing up of how they dealt with being transgender and expressing it their own way. As I listened to the podcast, I started realizing how many of those things I did as well. How much everything they were saying was little hidden things I did to make myself feel better about the hell I was living in and the world I wished I was living in. So, I thought It would be interesting to share some of those things I used to do. Maybe in the future, I will do part two of some things I still do.

A lot of these things revolve around video games. The reason for that is because I love video games. I find comfort in being able to disappear into a world where I can be as close to the real me as possible. To start, I know nearly every one of us has played The Sims. It’s a very addicting game to get sucked into. However, for me, I would literally always play the game as a woman and live and build my life in the game vicariously through that character to resemble the life I wish I’d had. I would spend so much time trying to make her look as close to me as possible, had I been born a woman.

The next coping mechanism was playing Pokemon. Especially when they introduced the Boy/Girl function. I would always choose the girl and I would always try and unlock all of the clothes to try and look as cute as possible in-game. Whenever anyone would ask me why I’m playing as a girl I would always make up some excuse like, ” I alright beat it with the boy so I’m doing a play-through as the girl now”. I always hated having to lie, or even answer that question.

When it comes to video game escapism and expression, I still do this. Whenever there is a game where I can play as the female character I always choose the one that looks closest to me and play as her. It’s the closest I can get to being happy, in this other world.

There is also the excuse I used to use when it came to shows or movies that would have been considered more “girly”, as my family would put it. Or more aimed at teenage and younger girls, like 7th Heaven, Buffy, Dawson’s Creek, Roswell, even cartoons like Powerpuff Girls. All shows I loved, but would constantly have to make up an excuse and defend myself for watching them. I always hated that. Always hated saying that I was just watching it cause I thought such and such girl was hot, or cause I thought the bad guy was funny. When in reality, I can’t explain it but they all meant so much more to me than just something superficial like that.

I know that there are so many more coping mechanisms I have done to deal with and express myself as I was younger. But, If I were to write all of them out then this blog post would be all over the place. I truly wish I had been able to enjoy these “coping mechanisms” when I was younger without having to feel like I had to keep it hidden as to why I enjoyed them. 

I’m curious to know of others’ coping mechanisms when they were younger. It’s something that is so common within the transgender community but it’s rarely spoken about unless it’s asked point-blank. I really wanna know, to anyone reading this. What were, or are, some of your coping mechanisms?

Until next time..


X -Mandie- X



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